— Meeting new people sounds like skirmishes just outside the walls of my kingdom. In the dead of the night, gaze still blurred coming to, do I call down from the tower to let them in? —
I’m dating. No, that’s not right. I am having conversations with people that happen to have penises.
The guards at the gates of my kingdom were novice; untrained, fleshy and soft from inactivity. They were never taught who to let in – between my legs or otherwise; a dangerous willful blindness.
With no creed my guards had no commitment, with no commitment they had no training and with no training they had no strength. They were an immaturity catalyzed by simple isolation. But that’s changed now.
This month is a 4 in Numerology. I adore the 4. It has the magical ability to break through walls – but also – to build them; to construct the world of your choosing. In this way, boundaries built by the 4 can strengthen and solidify what is most precious. Our dreams.
But before you can access the protection of the 4, your guards need to know:
What is it that I am to hold dear? What am I serving?
In the past my 4 was an artificial accessory; a mercenary-contractor. I took a gamble that someone else knew how to protect my kingdom better than I could. I was wrong.
At some point the hired-hand-protector – the parent, friend or lover – must go home to their own territory and when that time comes, what matters most… is left vulnerable.
Since I have been breaking bread with new people in the courtyard of my kingdom, I have been challenged.
Being single for the first time since I was 17 – in a way… for the first time in my life – means that my army of guards and warriors must be trained. And all they need (all that the 4 needs to get started) is to know:
What is our code of honor?
Date after date I have been confronted. Do I call down to let the gates ajar for this conversation, for this person, for this experience?
I have been invited into open marriages, asked to join a rotating list of women-on-call; one night stand inquiries and threesomes. Holy shit. What a crazy world. I had no idea. Every time I have said no, of course. But the crazy thing? Every time I have wanted to say yes.
Because wouldn’t it be easier to tuck away and hide my own design (“What? That? Oh… its nothing.”) – a thin indigo-inked blueprint of love – and enter someone else’s architecture?
Even if, for just a moment, it means that I will be in a warm bed with a full belly… playing house and pretending it is mine?
No. Luckily, every time I have said no.
The 4 teaches honor… but it isn’t easy. It is a baklava layered thing built up upon hour by hour decisions… decisions that either strengthen or weaken the hub and dignity of your kingdom; of who you are. Certain decisions make you stand tall and proud, create a thriving in the innermost sacred recesses of your walls… while others? They crumple and slump you like aluminum foil; they seep into and poison your watershed.
You, too, are confronting the protection or rejection of your own design this month.
DO NOT let anything enter your kingdom that isn’t up to par with your true design. Do not convince yourself that THEIR material has to be yours. You get to create and build what you want. You have that choice – and it IS a choice.
It is for this reason that honor is a rare and precious metal in our world. Many see their entelechy – this fated and luminous seed of desire – as merely a preference and they subsequently, in ignorant diminishing, genetically modify it… or never plant it at all.
I am here to tell you, your design… it needs your fierce warriorship or the preciousness of it will never be built. You must protect it at all costs, because there is no one else that can do it for you.
(Click here to schedule a session with me. Let’s make sure that YOU are protecting your blissful design; your superpower nature.)
This evening I am sitting on a grand mountaintop overlooking the valley with a friend. He just finished building a house and we are sitting outside in front of it, watching the sunset.
“It is amazing.” I say.
“What?” he asks.
“That this building… it started out as just potential… just a lot of land… and now it is all here.”
“I know. It all started with just a drawing of mine. And now it is here.” He affirms.
And so it begins, my drawing. I have been saying a lot of ‘no’s.’ I have been slamming the gate shut… over and over.
And now, I say yes to my creed, to my very architecture. I pull out my design from my pocket.
I get intimate in body to the degree that I do in heart. I don’t fuck, I make love. I don’t skip stones on the cautious surface, I bare my soul deep. I wont accept appearances, I want to feel the insides. I am not a modern sex-and-the-city-dater, I unravel the yarn of persona to see if the stuff of our soul is of the same species.
This is my honor and this is my majesty.
The 4 is asking you, what is YOUR honor? Where are you strengthened and dignified? And do your guards and warriors know?
Tell them. Please, I beg of you, tell them. They want to fight for you, for where you truly belong.
This month, be one of the rare few to set a foundation of dignity – to declare your own creed. Write it down. Sing it out. Cry it forth. Speak it to anyone and everyone you can. From this commitment your guards will deliver a confident quickening; manipulating matter before your eyes.
— I grab a torch and as my bare feet grip the cobblestone stairs I spiral down to the entryway. He turns to me, my seasoned samurai at the threshold gate between inside and outside. His confident eyes pierce my soft places. He nods. He knows what he is protecting. I nod back. I do, too.–
P.S. Let’s make sure that YOU don’t hide your own design. Click here to schedule one-on-one coaching with me so we can activate your unique and precious superpowers.